Tuesday, April 12, 2011

-kasentihan-

an excerpt



Minsa'y may nagtanong sa'kin.


"kung bibigyan ka nang pagkakataon na tumakbo ng sobrang layo, tatakbo ka ba?"


walang kagatol-gatol, sasagutin ko sana sya nang isang malaking HINDI! pero ewan, bigla akong nanahimik.  


para akong naputulan ng dila.naisip ko, nakakapagod 'yun. saka, eh ano naman kung tatakbo ako o hindi, may mangyayari bang iba? 


pero sa tanong niya kung gusto kong tumakbo ang sobrang layo, Oo, gugustohin ko. Gugustohin ko basta kasama sya..


siguro nga, kahit na gaano kalayo ok lang, basta nandyan sya kasabay ko, for sure, kakayanin ko yun.. kaya naming dalawa..


sana nga ganoon lang kadali yon,ano? kaso, alam ko na kahit  kelan, hinding-hindi ko na sya makakasama.. tatakbo pa kaya ako?


kahit kailan hindi ko na maibabalik ang mga pagkakataon na nagkasama kami. hindi ko na pwedeng balikan yun maliban lang sa panaginip ko. 


Gusto ko uli makita yung mga ngiti niya, yung tawa niya. Yung ngiti nyang pinangarap ko na sana para sa akin..


Na sa tuwing ngumingiti sya na humihiling ako na sana para sakin lang yung mga yun. Gusto ko uli sya makita.. Yun lang. Sana nga pwede, pero alam ko na nangangarap lang ako. Na naman..


Kung meron mang isang taong gusto kong makasama ulit, siya yun. At kung meron mang isang tao na dapat ko nang kalimutan, siya rin yun. Magkaiba kami eh. Magkalayong mundo. Nagtataka ako kung bakit nagkrus pa ang landas naming dalawa. 


Minsan tuloy naisip ko na siguro pinagtagpo kami talaga. Pero para saan pa? Kung hindi rin pala kami pwede. Wala lang, pinakilala lang kami ng isat-isa tapon nun wala na.. Limutan na. Ganon lang ba tagala yun? 


Hanggan ngayon hindi ko parin lubos maisip kung bakit pa kami nagkakilala. Ginulo niya lang ang buhay ko. Ginulo niya pati kasulok-sulukan ng utak ko. Kung hindi dahil sa kanya, hindi ko isusulat to. Pero alam mo ang nakakainis dun? 


Sa sandaling panahon na nakasama ko sya, yun yong mga panahon kung kelan ako naging pinakamasaya. Nakakainis lang, dumaan lang siya para pangitiin ako at para paiyakin sa pag-alis niya.. Ang daya niya.. Sana hindi nalang siya nagpakilala, hindi ko sana nararamdaman to..


Kung pwede lang sanang mawala ang sakit sa matinding pagkapagod. Sa paglimot.. Kung sana ganun lang kadali yun.


Nakakatawa. Pero yun ang totoo.. Nang dumating siya, nagkaroon ako ng dahilan para sumaya.. Babawiin din naman pala..


Kung mabasa man niya 'to, sana maisip nya na naaalala ko siya. At sana, ako yung maging dahilan ng susunod na pagngiti niya...




-anGeL-

Sunday, April 10, 2011

reflecting..

It’s the last Sunday of Lent. Thank God I was able to go to church with my cousins and with my brother..

My first plan for this coming holiday is to have a solemn reconciliation with HIM, spend more time nurturing my spiritual life.. I miss talking to HIM. I feel like dirty nowadays. A sinner. Like we all are..

I need to go to confession, but I have no time.. I think I Should file a leave on my work, at least a day. To find some time to reflect on my life these past few months.. Yes, it’s the best thing to do! I miss being a faithful servant, an active christian. Felt guilty every time I attend mass, seemed like Fr. Alvin's words were directly thrown at me.. I'm always into silent tears everytime I hear those songs, which reminds me of my childhood spiritual encounters.. It makes me nostalgic..

I so wanted to have a “visita iglesia” this Maunday Thursday. My problem is, I have no one to go with.. Hay! i can’t rely on my cousins. They’re all set to have some out-of-town trip to somewhere. Neither can I trust my office mates, they have life of their own.. Can you go with me? Please??




-angel-

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

i ♥ life..

Yeah, i just realized it now.. 
how God created life...
how our lives became so beautiful yet so challenging..
the things you desperately need will never be yours..
dreams you want to reach out seems so distant..
things you learned the hard way will push you to limits..
change, nothing is permanent but change..nothing stays the same..
the times that past will form part of yesterday..
the love you thought that would last forever would end, sooner than you expected it would..
someones loving you so much, but the one you love will never love you back..:(

i want to love more, celebrate life...
play as children would...
walk under the rain...
laugh my heart out as if I won a jackpot prize in lotto..
sleep as if there's no tomorrow...
cry as if it will be my last day on earth..
help people as much as I can in my own little way...
I want to change the world...
reach for the stars..
stay happy...
I know i am blessed...

Lord, help me to accept the things I cannot change,
acknowleged the things that I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference...

-anGeL-