Of Love and Waiting..

My life's been so lonely over the past months. After deciding to avoid my bestfriend whom I fell inlove with, I was stucked im my own solitary world. It felt like I was alive but not really living, working my ass off to pay my bills and to provide my family's needs, struggling to make it through the day. It's like living in a puppetry, driving your day to get you going. 

The feeling of being unloved and finding true LOVE came back, when it seems too hard to grasp. I don't know if it's just me, or when you are so used to being alone, and when someone finally came to show a little bit of concern, you tend to question the persons real intention and feelings, always.. And worse, you ask yourself questions like, 'Am I really likeable enough?' You let yourself believe that you don't deserve their attention, long before you were born. So why now?

And there came one. A simple, yet not a bad looking one. So sweet and innocent, yet so full of ambitions and motivations. He's been showing some efforts and concern and I really, really don't know how to feel about him. How am I going to react on this? I am torn between giving this a chance and give in to my desire to be finally happy, and afraid that I might gonna loss it again, living me desperate and broken and hurt and angry on the world..

Mad World

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world...

So the song goes.. At first catch you'll be hooked by the piano rhythm of the song. Decided to take my first piano lesson with my brother with this song in tow. But the lyrics strucked and rocked my unruffled world. Just as timely of the current happening of the Boston Marathon bombing and the recent steaming war of Power between North Korea and United States. Seen the news on T.V and justly, can't looked at it in just 5 minutes of watching. My heart breaks in so much of wanting to do something to save the world. What happened to the values of humanity? Honestly, couldn't understand the reason on the war and what's the real deal behind. 

But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate..

Too little too LATE..

It's just a little too late, a little too wrong.
And I can't wait..
But you know all the right things to say.
But we know it's just a little too late...

Too late.
That's the word. The word I couldn't even dare to admit and accept.
Why does it have to be just now? 
If only I knew the truth back then, the truth that was hidden behind me.
And then one faithful night changed my life forever..
It changed my standpoint with a man.
The man I considered my super best friend.
I never thought our lives would ever transect and then goes into a crisscross situation.

I Love Him.
That's the problem. It is not right. It's insane to be exact.
How could we share such feeling? 
He seem to occupy every space in my heart right now.
He came the time when I thought I have no right to feel something
that has been so hard to grasp over the years..

3 years.
Lonely, 3 long and agonizing years. 
My life was plain and simple.
I have come to accept the fact that no one was destined for me.
That I will forever be alone.

One Step Closer..

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone?
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer

One step closer

Really, the title of this post isn't really the title of the song i posted above.. Just wanna give emphasis on the 'One Step Closer' part. Hello! It's good to be back! Expect some random thoughts to pour out in the coming days! Happy New Year!:)